Sunday, May 8, 2022

Girl in the Mirror

The girl in the mirror. 

Sometimes she’s my best friend. Other times, my worst enemy.  

Lately, I’m learning a lot about her—this girl in the mirror. She’s been there my whole life, yet how often have I rly cared about her as one should a lifelong buddy? 

I spent a lot of time hating the girl in the mirror, criticizing her, attacking all her flaws. My negativity toward her only tore both of us down. It’s only when I’m able to see the good in her that I’m proud of how far we’ve come. The girl in the mirror doesn’t know yet what comes next, but she's proud of how far she's come. 

“Maybe you’re struggling to grow into who you’re meant to be while living under the label of who you’ve been told you are.” 

I saw this words somewhere awhile back and many times since then, they’ve popped back into my head. 

We all have labels placed on us—by others or ourselves—that attempt to define us and tell us who we are and what we should be like. Some are well-intended. Some are unintentional. Some are painful. None of them define us. 

I've put many labels on the girl in the mirror over the years. Some were good and lasting. Some were good for a time and meant to be let go of after their season. 

11-year-old me would be surprised that I’m not married or at least in a serious relationship by now. 

13 year old me would be astonished at how easily I can carry on a conversation with strangers. 

15-year-old me would be surprised that I’m graduating college next weeks. 

17-year-old me would be confused to find out that I barely write anymore. 

19 year old me would smile to realize how close you are to making it happen. 

21-year-old me is really proud of where I’m at.

The girl in the mirror—the same one he’s been staring back at me for over 21 years—she’s graduating college in six days. Next to the mirror where 6972475 selfies have been taken hangs a royal blue cap and gown, with gold honors stole. 

The girl in the mirror has a long way to go, but she’ll get there. One day at a time. For now, she's proud of how far she's come. For now, that's enough. 

Sunday, January 9, 2022

*Basically Just Mirror Selfies From the Last Six Months*


*walks in and sits down cross-legged* 

Hey, people. 

Let's talk. 

I wanted to start this with "weelll, it's been a hot minute" but that's how I started my last post like this back in July when I caught up on the first half of the year. And ya girl not tryna be redundant, here. 

But it has been awhile. And a lot has changed since July 27th. (No, this isn't another relationship announcement—sorry to disappoint. ;) ) 

Over the last few months, I've started several times to write this post, but it either didn't feel right at the time, or I had something else more pressing to do, or I flat-out couldn't bring myself to put everything into words and share it with the world. Not that I have some horribly dark secret that I have to divulge here, but because writing has often been therapeutic for me. I feel like, in some way, having to put everything in words and make it make sense helps me deal with things. 

So I'm here now. 2021 has been a little sucky tbh and I don't want to start 2022 without dumping all this mess out here. 

• • • July 

The last week of July included a church picnic and getting temporarily stranded at work when my car wouldn't start (Dad to the rescue <3). And a camping trip with my family and cousins the same weekend I turned 21—72 hours of campfire smoke and messy hair and laying in a hammock and eating food you cooked over an open flame and laughing until you hurt was B L I S S. 

(Swimming in the river so cold it takes your breath wasn't the most blissful part, but all for the memories, right??) 

• • • August 

Highlight of the month was the amazing week spent with my best friend, and the two days we spent in Colorado. <3 Also, started my next-to-last semester of community college (S C A R Y), lots of Saturday night summer concerts at work, meeting an internet friend for the first time, and catching sunsets and little special moments every chance I could. 

Idk why we all look like we're on crack here, but I'm posting anyway bc we cute

• • • September 

Looking through pictures from September is hard for me. The first picture of me? Dressed for the lake, jean shorts and sunglasses on my head? That was Sunday afternoon. A family day at the lake. Everything was normal and good. Tuesday night I got home from work to find out that my mom had spent all day in doctors offices. Thursday was a biopsy. Friday was a diagnosis of breast cancer. As the following days and weeks were filled with doctors appointments and tests and more questions than answers, we all felt like we'd been sucker-punched. 

For months, we'd had a family vacation planned for the last week of the month. We stuck to those plans anyway and spent nine days in the beautiful Florida Keys—swimming and sunbathing and boating and fishing and exploring and eating sooo much good, fresh seafood. It was incredible. 

my work peeps! Saturday night crew is my fav <3

• • • October 

Highlight of October was...quitting my job. xP  Yeah, legit came back from vacation, worked two days, then turned in my two week notice. I love everyone I work with, but the job itself had been a stressful environment for awhile now and, after considering it many times, I decided I couldn't do it any longer. I turned in my notice around the first of the month and worked the next two weeks. 

Also... more studying, more housesitting, applying for new jobs, applying for internships next semester, and a quick one-night trip to Kansas to see my bestie get engaged. <3  And my dog, my baby and best buddy for the last ten years, passed away. </3

So... yep. It was definitely a month of emotions. 

My face right before quitting... 

... my face right after.

Work homies <3

Not me photo-bombing the adorable couple... they stuck with me for LIFE soooo

got new glasses!

• • • November 

Job interviews and starting training at a new job. Interviews for internships and lots and lots of studying. Got to see my homie again <3  Housesitting again. Mom started chemotherapy. Three trips to the sheriffs office to get fingerprinted (long story). Lots of late nights and little sleep. 

job interview OOTD

day on campus OOTD

stay in and do nothing OOTD


• • • December 

Christmas shopping. Spending hours in the school library studying for finals. Bought my first Birkenstock lookalikes (AND I LOVE THEM). Finished my next-to-last semester of community college. Got a cavity filled for the first time in my life. 

And then all heck broke loose xD  The weekend before Christmas, my brother was in a bad wreck and spent four days in the hospital. Long story short, everything is okay and he's going to be fine, but we were all a little shook up for awhile. Since then, our house has been full of visitors and food and Christmas goodies. It feels so good to be loved by people <3 

a Faith in its natural habitat 

So yep. That's where we're at. Maybe I'll be back around soon-ish—there's lots of words in my head these days, sometimes I can get them out and making sense and sometimes it's just a nonsensical jumble. For right now, life is crazy wild and writing or little else that isn't an absolute have-to can be priority. 

So this is just me dropping in to say I hope everyone reading this is doing well. :)  Drop a note and update me on your life!

And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 
// 2 corinthians 12:9