2019 > 2020

2019. 

Sometime I might wrap an elaborately exhaustive post about 2019. About all it was, all it wasn't, and everything in between. About what it meant to me and how it changed me. But now is not the time. I have mixed emotions about 2019. I believe there's something good in every year, but I don't think this past year was my best. That doesn't mean it didn't have some special moments and memories, though.

So for now, 2019 was...

A flight to Kansas. Finally buying a new phone. New friends. Scarfing down BBQ in between customers at work like...all summer. 692,747 mirror selfies. Sunsets and sunrises and catching both in the same day. Buying a new (to me) car. Two concerts. Getting to see my besties. Leaving a church. Seeing a movie at the theater and going back to see it four days later. Publishing my first novel. Working the spring/summer/fall rushes in a tourist town and not dying. Being asked if my co-worker and I were twins. A different co-worker being mistaken as me, resulting in my neighbor thinking I'm secretly engaged. Wearing my NineLine hoodie almost constantly during chilly times. Drinking sooo much coffee. Leaving the top off my jeep for days. A weeklong missions trip. Spent sooo much time organizing beer....long story that. House-sitting half a dozen times. Arriving at work one day and finding out the building was broke into the night before, and spending the next few weeks scrutinizing every customer and feeling like a gal from a Hallmark mystery. Soul-searching. Working thirteen days in a row and then wondering why I felt tired. Drinking black coffee...alot. Standing at the highest point east of the Mississippi.


// list of accomplishments
• first time on a plane when I flew to Kansas in January
• worked a full-time job for 9.5 months without dying *thumbs up*
• two trips downstate to visit friends, and multiple instances of them visiting here
• read 67 books
• started writing a new book...which I still haven't finished, hahaaaaa
• spent an amazing week working a ministry with others from all over my state and other areas of the southeast <3
• published my baby, Freedom
• roofed three houses?? xD
• rocked an EPIC thirteen day blog tour with my fren
• turned 19

2020. 

Just looking at that frighteningly large number feels me with anticipation, excitement, and...trepidation? I don't know, I'm probably just weird, but I get this way at the change of every year. It's like I think I have to have everything figured out beforehand, or I'll be wasting time and messing up this perfect, not-yet-mistake-filled year that I've been given.

Which is sort of ridiculous when you think about it. Every new day is special and God-given and should be used for His glory. So why, just because we're buying new calendars, do we treat January 1st so differently from September 1st? or May 16th? or February 22nd?

But because we do measure things by years (and, I mean, I'm not complaining—it's a pretty rock-solid system of order), there will always be something unique and inspiring about starting a new year.

Every year since 2017, I've chosen a word of the year. Cherish, light, courage, etc. I wanted to do the same for 2020, but nothing had stuck out to me yet as something that I expected (or wanted) this new year to be devoted to. Then one day, between Christmas and New Years, I had the words from Fearless (yes, the Taylor Swift song) on my mind for some reason. It just hit me.

Fearless.

That's it. I want to be fearless. Not even in the way that I don't have fears, because everyone does, but to be able to face anything without being controlled by fear.

Within a few minutes, I had a second word. I had the radio on (because when do I not??), and the song that was playing said something about being faithful.

Faithful.

I want to be found faithful. (The alliteration is making my word nerd soul incredibly happy.) Faithful to God. Faithful to His calling on my life. Faithful to my friends and family. Faithful to be there for others, whether they ask for it or not. Faithful to myself, to be the best person I can be through His strength.

So that's it, my outlook for 2020, come what may.

Fearless + Faithful.

"I have not hid thy righteousness within my heart; I have declared thy faithfulness and thy salvation: I have not concealed thy lovingkindness and thy truth from the great congregation." 

- psalm 40:10 kjv

// list of goals 
• finish my read-thru of the Bible
• start college
• spend more time investing in others and less time investing in me
• be fully present in every moment

what was 2019 to you? how do you feel about 2020?